In this way, the liberation of sex actually regulates us. Hills argues persuasively that when our value is tied to sexual desirability and performance, we live with a new kind of shame: If we’re not having good sex, all the time, there’s something wrong with us. She cites a recent study, which shows that on any given weekend, 80 percent of male college students think their schoolmates are having sex (it’s actually 5 percent to 10 percent). Rachel Hills, an Australian journalist who lives in New York, argues in “The Sex Myth” that there is a new gap between what we believe and what we do: Americans are secretly having less and worse sex than everyone thinks, and feeling bad about it. But romance is still mysterious - what does it feel like for everyone else? - and three new books try to explain modern mating. In the time of Tinder, our sexuality feels anything but secret. Sixty years later, many of us have come to regard sex - preferably passionate, hot, transformative sex - as central to our lives. Then there’s the math that says that a woman’s good looks can keep men from approaching her-particularly if they feel the odds aren’t in their favor.įortunately, there are also solutions: what college to attend (any with strong sciences or math), where to hang out (in New York, try a fireman’s bar), where to live (Colorado, Seattle, “Man” Jose), and why never to shy away from giving an ultimatum.Back when adultery and gay sex were widely criminalized in the United States, when masturbation was thought to make you crazy and fellatio was taboo, the Kinsey Institute famously revealed that Americans were secretly less faithful, more gay, more various in their sexual practices and more perverse than most wanted to think. This unequal ratio explains not only why it’s so hard to find a date, but a host of social issues, from the college hookup culture to the reason Salt Lake City is becoming the breast implant capital of America. Among young college grads, there are four eligible women for every three men nationwide. The shortage of college-educated men is not just a big-city phenomenon frustrating women in New York and L.A.

Two, knowledge is power, so here’s what to do about it. It’s a fascinating, if sobering read, with two critical takeaways: One, it’s not you. Using a combination of demographics, statistics, game theory, and number-crunching, Date-onomics tells what every single, college-educated, heterosexual, looking-for-a-partner woman needs to know: The “man deficit” is real. It’s not that he’s just not that into you-it’s that there aren’t enough of him.

Jon birger date onomics